it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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