YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
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then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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