i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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