I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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