Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
