We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
