can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize