Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.