Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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