You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
