Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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