Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
