You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
