My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
