you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Operation Purity has been aborted
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
