What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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