One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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