Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
