I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
