i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
