I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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