I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
