dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
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i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
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I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?