sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??