I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
