I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
