People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
