remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
There's always time for handjobs
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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