At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Randomize
