you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
