WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We're not piercing ourselves today.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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