I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
