everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
