They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
