1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
