Say something about gay babies.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
