Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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