Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
