Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
