Apparently you make a good broom.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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