Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You're like the curious george of whores
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
