I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
