what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
