Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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