My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
