I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I think my moral compass just broke
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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