I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
