Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
