just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
