That's intense
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
