My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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