Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
