This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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