I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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