remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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