so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
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we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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