she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
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