i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
