Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
