Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
