I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
