I'm lost and stupid without you.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
