why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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