I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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