shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
