Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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