Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
